For Christmas, I received from my sister-in-law a decorative tile embossed beautifully with the words, "My greatest blessings call me Mom." I was so touched by the message that it was hard for me to read it to my children for the frog in my throat. My oldest asked me, "Mom, are we really your greatest blessings?" From experience, I figured I was safe to assume that her question would be sarcastic. That is one of my traits I unfortunatly passed on. But as she asked, I listened to the tone of her voice. The sarcasm was lacking. I looked at her face, and the sneering smile was missing. All I heard was the voice of a child who hadn't been assured enough of my love for her. And all I saw was the yearning in her eyes--the need to know that I treasured her more than all worldly treasures.
I realized that I had taken for granted my children's knowledge that I love them (and their father) more than anyone else on this earth. I just assumed that they knew. Sadly enough, it is not for lack of me saying it that they question my love. I tell them all the time. But my actions--my inability to control my temper, my wiggling out of commitments I hoped they would forget, my demand for perfection--all told a different story.
None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. I could as easily have listed the good things I do as the things I mess up. I am so grateful that we have a Savior that allows us to repent and change. I am equally as grateful that a loving Heavenly Father sent children to earth with forgiving hearts. I don't know when my heart changed from that childlike love to a judgemental cynical one, but I am working to recapture that love. And with five wonderful gifts from God here to show me how, I'll get there.
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