Instilling Vison and Confidence

Do you ever wish that there was an easy set of rules for parenting and educating your children that worked for every child? Well, there is if we look at tribal cultures and try to model their family forms. In tribal cultures mothers and fathers are unique in their roles. Mothers are to instill VISION and Fathers should instill CONFIDENCE. If each spouse focuses on their specific role, you will raise incredible children....here's how:

Mothers Instill Vision
This is simply done by a "You are..." phrase from Mom.

You are such a good big brother.
You are so beautiful.
You are a great helper when you do the dishes.
You are such a good girl.

That's it. Try to have 15 positive interactions to every negative one, and your child will thrive!

Fathers Instill Confidence
This is simply done by a "I feel..." phrase from Dad.

I feel so proud when you help us with the dishes.
I felt disappointed when you lied today.
I feel happy when you are kind to your brother.
I feel sad when you are sad.

So Dads, it's time to get in touch with your softer side and verbalize it, if you want to instill confidence in your children.

Please note, do not try to instill confidence as a Mother, even if you are a single-mother. It will backfire on you. Instead, find another father figure that you trust (like a scout leader) to instill confidence in your child.


On a personal note, I witnessed the effect of this for the first time this last week. My son cut his chin open and needed 8 stitches. During the first half hour when we were in the ER alone, Isaac was on the verge of hysteria (he is only five). Once Dad walked in I was simply amazed at the confidence my son felt. He was clam the rest of the duration of the ER visit. I found my self reflecting on what caused Isaac to change, and concluded that this basic tribal family form was true! I was so thrilled I had to share this little bit of wisdom I had discovered.